On grief and being ungovernable

May Allah SWT grant my father the highest place in jannah, ameen.

“You died. I cried. And kept on getting up. A little slower. And a lot more deadly.”

― Assata Shakur, Assata: An Autobiography

It’s February 21, 2013. 

I am leaving a speech meeting when I receive a call about my dad. In the aftermath of his second stroke, he had to undergo another brain surgery.

In the weeks leading up to my dad's first stroke, I skipped s…